it's not that it's too early for this, it's just that it is.

This is one of those mornings when I wish one could receive coffee intravenously. It would make it so much easier if you could see stuff like this in the paper:

without feeling like you're still asleep and just having a weird dream.

I wasn't going to link to this story because pet stories (what did you think it was about?!) usually reinforce "cat lady to the max" stereotypes... but there is too much crazy going on to resist. Monkeys that drop from the rafters and punch through peoples' scrotums? YES.*

*Sad for the animals... fortunately the story is very "You should not do this" in tone.