the top ten things i've learned this year.

My sister-in-law has lots of good ideas, and blogging is one of them. In honor of her recent foray into the world of internet freewrites, I am copying her idea to meditate on the top ten things I've learned this year, though after writing them out it seems like, for a most part, a list of stuff I'm still learning.


10. How to change a flat. I resisted bicycle maintenance for a long time.


9. I eat a million times better when I avoid grocery stores. After a summer of farmer's markets and a fall of shopping at Reading Terminal, I feel so much better. Quality produce makes such a huge difference.


8. Blush. Voila, cheekbones! Voila, I don't look so tired and pasty and hungover! It's a makeup miracle.


7. The neighborhood I live in has significant implications for the life I lead. I am glad that I live close to friends, lovely bars, and good public transportation. Although it means a slightly longer commute (which is good for staying fit and having a little longer to decompress), my quality of life has improved greatly. Put succinctly: god, what a good time I'm having in South Philly!


6. I need beautiful language. The book of e.e. cummings always on my desk at work and the prose of Updike always next to my bed have eased my mind.

5. Something about men and agency and what I want from my life and having a voice. I can't say exactly what I've learned about those things, but the tension between them is finally coming into view and has brought with it some needed clarity as I consider what I want and expect from relationships, who I want to be in those relationships, and who I want to be with in relationships.

4. I don't think America is really being governed in a way that is constitutional. My readings for graduate school have made me aware of this, but haven't presented any clear solutions- but I'm pretty sure a solution would involve an immense collective rethinking of federalism, a reduction of the powers of the court and policing systems at all levels, and an intensive expansion of the number of positions in legislative bodies... or something. 

3. There is a small way to reconcile my work with how far from home it takes me. It's called doing research on where I'm from. I can't wait for that brilliant idea to pay off next summer.


2. The present is all we have. We can value and learn from the past, and we can anticipate our futures, but now- now is it. 


1. Reciprocity. As my nieces get older, I'm finding that they love me as much as I love them. I don't know why this shocked me, to suddenly feel aware of who I am in their lives. Their generosity of spirit is disarming. It's not just that they fill my life with a big love- it's that they teach me to expect nothing less than a big love. 

transfiguration.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow, 
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sun on ripened grain, 
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

-Mary Frye

The day we buried my grandfather last spring, I thought my grief was complete.  

As a family we had borne each blow within the short span of a season. Illness, diagnosis, acceptance, decline, passing, viewing, and burial, bookended by the hope of spring and its fruition in bright bursts of rhododendron.  After all of the processing, planning, and tears, the three poignant blasts of the honor guard's guns signaled with intensity of the completion of the old man's journey.  I could feel no greater sorrow, no deeper sense of loss.  In that moment, I thought I was to walk ahead without him.

---

I don't know that I really accept what religion tells us about dying.  The content, to a degree, satisfies me.  The notion that families can be together forever, true or untrue, seems to speak to the continuity that I feel.  Memory is persistant, and while a day may be the difference between having a grandfather and not, the feeling of being a grandchild is everlasting.  

Yet religion doesn't speak to the second life my grandfather has taken in the material.  It's surprised me, the way I see him daily as I pass the small veteran's memorial by my house.  Eating a hot dog, his favorite food, is an act of tribute.  Some days I feel he pulls me to my favorite spot, the one facing west.  The one where I went to hide out and smoke cigarettes (his token subversive act) as the leaves returned to the trees and I contemplated his passing.  The presence he assumes throughout the homes of my family members, in park benches and coffee mug stands and balls of Christmas lights surrounded by plastic cups, is solid, sturdy, shining.

---

During these encounters I wonder: When did my world become a shrine?  Connected, I know that it has always been one.  Ancestor worship is my religion.  My sacrament takes familial forms.  My blood is represented by wine served in everyday chalices called "Papa Tony glasses" for the tiny serving our great-grandfather was known to take.  The bread comes in seemingly infinite forms-- little cookies offered at the homes of great-grannies and banana cakes made by pioneering women symbolize my body.  In prayer, I fold hands identical to my grandmother's.  Clouds of cigarette smoke are my incense, evoking gatherings on porches, at domino games, fishing.  I worship in churches of hand-me-down furniture wearing amulets of vintage necklaces and brooches, channeling centuries of grit and tenacity and strength.  My people are my divine, and my grief, hardly complete, becomes my faith.

tacoma biking, part 1: my little french friend.

This blog isn't dead! Really! Between the end of the semester and being called home last week for family business, I haven't had a whole lot of blogging energy.  But I'm done! I'm back! So get ready for me to start blowing up your Google Reader like whoa.


The first two days of my trip came at the end of #30daysofbiking.  I was really committed and wanted to ensure that in spite of my travel and stresses, I met the goal.  As I was to be spending a lot of time going back and forth between two family homes linked by a bike lane, biking at home was an easy and feasible transportation choice.  Big Brother asked a family friend if I could borrow the vintage Peugeot folding bike that BB rehabbed last winter. Alas, to my delight, me and The Peug were joined together for 8 wonderful days. The link above will give you better insight into the specs of the bike, so now I can just prattle on about the bike's awesomeness.

This bike fits me the best of any bike I have ever ridden.  I have a long torso and short inseam, so my smallest-size Old Dutch is a bit of the stretch, and the Dahon is you know, fine.  But The Peug fits perfect.

This bike is what you would see if the Old Dutch Treat and the Dahon had a baby.  Size-wise, The Peug would fit nicely in a car trunk or small apartment.  Size isn't everything, though, so you still get all the amenities of a city bike- nice upright position, a skirt-friendly frame, built-in lights, and a rear rack.  The positioning is great-- riding the bike, it feels like your sternum is being thrust out in a very "Hello, World!" kind of way.  Compact bike happiness if I ever saw it.


We are very grateful that the person who loaned me the bike generously ended up giving The Peug to our family.  I am looking forward to riding this bike when I go home at the end of the summer... and will probably start trolling Craigslist for one of my own.  It's that fantastic.

 

Moms and daughters alike love Peugeot folding bikes!

end of the decade commemorative post.

The 2000s are over.  Hurray!  I've been reading so many commemorative accounts of what to call the decade (I liked this one from The New Yorker) and summaries of events (I liked this icon chart from The New York Times) that like, really, how glad am I, as an individual and an American, to put this decade behind me?

IIn honor of that simpler time- before hanging chads, 9-11, the Iraq War, swift-boating, sustainability, iPods, social networking sites, the recession, and change you can believe in- or for me, before dating, state lacrosse championships, parental divorce, baptism, high school graduation, community college, acquiring a sister-in-law, singles wards, college, nieces, working, and graduate school in two states-- I present to you my own lackluster account, straight from my journal, of New Year's Eve, 2000.  I was a sophomore in high school.  If anything, in contrast to my account of 2009, the entry is evidence that the most humdrum of occasions (dancing in a gym? come on!) can portend a decade of change, accomplishment, and greatness.  However you celebrate it, Happy New Year!

(edited in spots for coherency; names abbreviated to protect the innocent. spelling errors left intact.)

"DUN-DUH-DUN! HAPPY NEW YR.! It's January 1, 2000, 2:18 am!
Time 4 the MILLENIUM REPORT!


Alright, a quick run down of todays events...
11:30 wake up by hang up phone call
1-2 library, checked out The Divine Comedy by Dante, Beloved by Toni Morrison, etc.*
2-4 Reading
4-4:15- attempt to get ready for planned "Main Street" course run (27th to 67th, 67th to Cirque, Cirque to Grandview, Grandview to 27th, up 27th to home)
4:20 leave house, under excuse of don't want to be worn out, do the "2000 m spring" (approx) in 7:21, w/rest / 1000m.


My last millenium meal:
-1.5 beer marinated pork chop, dipped in ketchup & Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce
-shoestring french fries
-water


We ate with Big Brother, Mom, Big Sister and Dad.


-Big Brother hosted a small get together and smoked stogies w/ T at midnight.
-Mom went to CF's, as tradition stands.
-Dad worked, unwillingly.


And A showed up early- at 7- for the big par-tay, so we could help set up.  Of all places, the Tac-South Stake [city-wide conglomeration of Mormon congregations] rented out our High School, so I went to school for New Years!


We left [the party] around 8:15, went to Dairy Queen, but someone was in our spots so we stopped by my house for a bit o Toblerone ( :) ) and went to B2's house for a while. Went back to the school- swung by the Youth dance for a while, but there were way too many little kids in there and it smelled like B.O. Danced with B2 to one song and then me and A had a shift managing the inflatable "bouncer" for 30 minutes.  Then we hooked up with J & E & went to E's house. The boys played pool & we girls were obnoxious with this big blue bouncy ball. Got back to school @ 11... that's when New Year's got fun.  The dance was movin, and it was a great time. I got sick of following A & B though, so I just hung out with the other group I know- lot's o' fun!


Last Song- "I'm Dreamin'"- Selena
Partner- Freshman DD


Then we did the countdown and poof- 2000! The lights stayed on & I came home. Ate licorice, triscuits & choc milk & a See's mint truffle, read Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets and am now here.


My goal, as told to A & B, was not to be an old spinster this millenium.**


Oh, my attire for the eve. was:
new heman shirt
green cargo shorts
brown Saltwater sandals
old navy pullover, gray fleece***


My goals for this yr, officially are:
-to lose at least 5-7 lbs & keep it off
-Learn the non-metric distance system (yds. vs. meters)
-play la-x & run varsity x-c
-build my testimony
-expand my base of friends
-get kissed
-be a better friend to J
-not eat so much chocolate!


...Merry freakin' millenium, as Dad said!
-Melanie"


*I'd love to know what the etc. was, as I never read either of the books listed.
**Jury is still out on how I'm doing on that one. Good thing I have 90 years to work on it...
**It just so happens that I still own this entire outfit.

a pack of strays.

I've been touched lately by the thoughtful Christmas essays featured in The New York Times recently.  One spoke to the realities- and hopes- of being a single person during the holidays, another, more poignant, answered for the struggles of the unmoored and the families who take them in on festive days.  While I have never been in the foster care system or experienced even half of the traumas the author alluded to, I have felt the pinball feeling of ricocheting off of other people's (and sometimes my own) family events as both a grateful participant and an uncomfortable intruder.  Confronting this feeling annually involves a late, reluctant, and resigned purchase of an airline ticket and a frustrating blend of enthusiasm and dread.  I love, love, love being around my family but I struggle to really enjoy the holidays (coming home in the summer is so much easier!).  After reading this NYT story about people skipping the holidays- I, feeling very curmudgeonly (probably from gorging on candy and teriyaki to cope with, you know, the stress) was like, YES! Maybe next year I could just spend the holidays at home in Philly in my most amazing bed that I miss so much, without any drama or feelings of holiday malaise!  Maybe I could just skip it, all of it!  Validated in my dark and brooding state, I was plotting a dramatic iCal reminder that would suggest I consider traveling after New Years so that I could just bypass all of the running around and the inexplicable misery I feel in the midst of all this apparent happiness.

It's like you see me making a white sauce, but really I have this complicated inner life. 

I recognize that I'm not the only person on the planet to feel this, and I recognize I'm probably not the only person in this house who feels it either.  Which is why I'm so especially grateful that my some special folks rallied our pack of strays this evening.  Fragments of an extended family, we boast a large percentage of single people.  We lack a clear leader- there are no matriarchs or patriarchs here, just a  contingent of several generations willing to go where they are called.  Suddenly planned, the food was simple, the giving was directed primarily towards the children, and the evening involved the installation of a car radiator.  This was not some ungainly production, but an effort of basic pragmatism:

We would all celebrate Christmas elsewhere, but tonight, we needed to celebrate our Christmas.  We gathered from the far-flung corners of Seattle, rural Pierce County, Tacoma, and Philadelphia to be together.  And perhaps, because of the nature of the season, we were able to see in each other qualities we'd missed or thought too long dormant.  It was an awakening moment for me.

It is easy to see the holidays for what they aren't, for what ones' life isn't.  It is a default, for some, to feel lost and aloof amidst endless hams and cookie platters.  It is not difficult to focus on those feelings, it just happens.  And that is why it is so blissful when that moment of grace presents itself and you can't feel anything better than the love and caring that comes from being a part of a family.  We say we're coming together for the holidays, but really, we're coming together for each other. It is good to be reminded that we are no longer strangers and together we are no longer strays.

God bless us, every one.

gratitude.

It's time for the annual "I'm thankful for" list. I'm just dashing it out as I have a lot of writing to do this evening, but this really is one of my favorite yearly exercises.

I am thankful for my always supportive family. They keep me going when times are tough. They give me perspective and insight and patience and love.  In this past year in particular, they generously and graciously opened their homes to me when I needed the time and the space to rebuild my tattered sense of self. My family sustains me, and there really aren't words to express how grateful I am for that.  I couldn't do this alone. I can't wait to be with them soon!

I am thankful for opportunities. I'm grateful I'm in my seventh year of college. I'm thankful that I've been able to travel, present at conferences, meet new people, take on exciting projects, and have such a dang cool career path. I forget how awesome it is when I get caught up in the drudgery and the logistics, but I'm glad that I continuously get reminded that I am doing something special.

I am thankful I changed my life. This city, this school, this program, this life, these challenges-- they were all exactly what I needed. I have never worked so hard or put so much of myself into anything, and I'm grateful for what that experience has done to my spirit. I feel fortified. I am glad I didn't take other paths and that so many things in my life didn't happen so that I can be here, now.

I am thankful that I sold my car and became a bike commuter. The 455 miles I've ridden since moving to Philly last August have made my body fit and relieved me of so much stress.  Those miles also allow me to consume lager and fries several times a week without consequences, which I am particularly grateful for.

Which reminds me, I am thankful for my health. In a season of colds and swine flu, I feel phenomenally blessed that I have not been sick once. 

I am thankful for my friends in every time zone. I like knowing that they are out there in the world being good people and making the world a better place. It gives me hope. I am thankful that we have the bonds that we do. 

In the moment- I'm thankful I have a place to be this Thanksgiving. I'm thankful that in the past month I've become apart of a great group of friends who give me endless opportunities to laugh. I'm grateful for the prospect of pear butterscotch pie, a ride in the rain, finally being able to understand how to write about political culture, and getting to tell stories that have never been told this way.  I'm thankful for white Christmas lights and a roommate who, in five seconds, is going to ask me to help him start preparing an amazing meal for tomorrow.  And I'm thankful for all of you who read my blog and make me smile with your comments and encouragement. I have so much to be thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving! 

the journey.

It's never easy when you get the call. A great uncle passed away peacefully in his home last night after a long and fruitful life. His passing was something of a surprise, as in recent years he had greatly improved his health and happiness through a daily workout routine. I came across this poem last night, but today I felt like I just had to share it. It's never too late to change your life. Every day that you live better will be a gift. Small changes count.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

-Mary Oliver

years later.

via NYT

More than any other season, the coming of fall moves me to remembrance. The crisp air and turning leaves herald anxious first days of school, cross country races, divorce, the beginning and end of my own relationships, death, and the assumption and throwing off of religious beliefs. If anything is going to happen in my life, it happens in the fall. When nature goes into transition, so do I.

As time has passed, I've traded the dread of autumn- oh no, my life is going to fall apart, again- for preparation. Anticipating upheaval, why, It's mid-September and I've already lost and gained back the stress weight, feverishly baked pies, brownies, and cookies to impose order on my world, vacillated between sunny and sad music (mostly sad), lived for every solace bringing family phone call, and heck, I've even thrown myself into my work with all the intensity of a first year PhD student so that I don't have to think about things. I still feel the losses, the abject loneliness that comes with things you can't change, but with time I have the benefit of experience and hindsight to buoy me through it.

Because nobody can tell you at the time:

that eight years after your parent's divorce, your family will be healed and emerging as something bigger, better.

that seven years after she died that you will have found reserves of love to give that you didn't know you had.

that five years after he died, you'll be finding tranquility every day on a bike his memory spurred you to buy.

that five years after he broke your heart and you started to think about your potential, you'll be well travelled, doing fulfilling work on another coast, and someone you never could have been otherwise.

that two years after you left the church, you'll be living a life of untrammeled authenticity, boundless hope, and uncomprehendable peace.

Like Eve, I will take what the fall gives me.

top 5, uk vacay edition.

5 places I loved visiting:
1. Burghley Hall.
2. Westminster Abbey.
3. Cambridge / Madingley Hall.
4. Cardiff and Caerphilly.
5. Various National Trust houses and beer festivals that were great enough to get lumped together.
Honorable mention:
I have a feeling I'm going to really love seeing Holkham Hall tomorrow...

5 reasons I'm excited to go home:
1. Materially, getting to hide my PC laptop away and revel in the glory of my iMac and getting back on my bike. It's been too long, my Old Dutch Treat.
2. Big changes are afoot- I am hoping to be CAR FREE and living in Philadelphia in three weeks or so.
3. I'm stoked about trying out my "living with other people and not as a recluse" skills that we've been working on.
4. The pound is freaking expensive!
5. How could I not be excited to see the cute niece squad and the rest of the fam and to talk to all my peeps again?

5 great shopping finds:
1. About a bazillion pairs of cute socks from Tesco.
2. Gray trench coat from Primark in London.
3. 100 year old coffer from Maidwell's.
4. Makeup from the Benefit counter at the Boots in Cambridge.
5. A comfy pair of butterscotch yellow heels and a watch from Next.
Honorable mention: The freebies that come with magazines.

5 reasons I'm sad about going home:
1. I've grown very attached to two little dogs who love to stand on my chest and lick my face at random intervals throughout the day.
2. I have cherished having the time to put myself back together before I start my next big endeavor. Thanks to Mom & Don for giving me the space and support to do that.
3. We've laughed, we've cried, we've watched at least 20 episodes of Eastenders- I've loved spending time with my mom. She's an amazing woman, and I have enjoyed being reminded that she knows me pretty damn well.
4. Life in the country is actually kinda nice. Animals and flowers and wide open spaces- squeal!
5. British dairy products. Need I say more?

you know, for kids.

Esteemed COTGB Readers:

I love my brother.

I love Fat Tire beer.

I love bikes.

I love hats.

I even love kids.

Big Brother has ingeniously found away to fuse all those things together in a raffle for the ages. Please get thee to the Tacoma Bike Ranch ASAP to get your name in the hat- literally- to win a handmade piece of American folkart of the highest degree of craftsmanship.

If you aren't interested in checking out the hat, but would still like to give, you can donate to the Mary Bridge Children's Foundation and Big Brother's Courage Classic bike ride to help stop the cycle of child abuse and neglect directly through this link. Thanks for your support!

five things.

5 things I loved about my family's visit to SLC:
1. The way my dad checks out electrical work everywhere he goes.
2. Speaking in movie quote code with Big Brother.
3. Getting ready for the day with my mom.
4. The craziness that ensues when we're all together-- does your family have in-depth discussions about recycling over breakfast?
5. That they all came just to see me graduate. It means a lot to me and I am happily exhausted.

Special thanks to Big Sister who held down the fort in T-Town!

balance.

The lesson of the past day has been balance. There's been so much yin and yang going on that I feel a little startled by it. Perspective is all.

For example:
Got rear-ended yesterday afternoon BUT I got to see my cousin and his team from my alma mater play a lacrosse game in my 'hood.

His team lost BUT he gets the knowledge that family comes to his games, no matter where they are. Even if your older cousin is kind of embarrassing, she cares.

I didn't feel good BUT a friend brought over some Ben & Jerry's, with all its healing properties. I love my Utah friends so much. A girl could never have better caretakers.

I had to spend three hours at urgent care (plus 30 minutes travel each way) BUT I don't have brain damage or a broken neck.

I missed classes today BUT only 28 days until graduation.

I got a big stack of "explanation of benefits" forms from the kidney stone debacle that said I'll probably have to lay out 500 bones BUT in the same batch of mail I got an awesome supportive card from my grandparents. Love is what really matters, it's forever.

My house reeks to high heavens of Chinese food BUT my classy mother arranged for a hotel room for us when she's here-- so really only 27 days left in this apartment! Yeah!

Who knows what my funding situation is for next year BUT at least I did get a form to set up my email account at Temple-- I'm really going there!

I'm feeling very "count my blessings"-y right now... but hey, it's impossible to ignore that my life is filled with wonderful people who make it worthwhile. Life is good, even when it's not.

i needs me some of this.

I woke up homesick.

the moral of the story.

So today the thing most on my mind is how our lives get tied up with those of others. It's hard to articulate how you might not even remember meeting someone and how, over time and experience, fun and games and joy and pain and all of it, it's like you walk in step, you breathe at the same time, you think the same way or at least know what to expect from how they think, and suddenly or not so suddenly, what they do is inextricably a part of you and who you are and who you will be. I don't exactly get how we become so interwoven with people, how they become so braided into our lives that we don't know where they stop and we begin. It happens with people that we remember meeting, and people who aren't as tightly apart of our fabric, and people we tried to get rid of at certain points, but for whatever reason they stick and you find yourself with ties all over the place, with people who meet the needs of a particular moment, who tell you the right thing and the right time, who having been gone along time suddenly reappear. It is amazing to me to think of the people in my life who I couldn't imagine living without yet never imagined knowing. People we don't like and people we can't stop liking become indispensable.

We are the sum of our parts. Completely randomly I found myself in the Bible today-- via my cousin-- how the tables have turned-- and I loved this--

"Only let us live up to that which we have already attained."*

It's not about what we have, or who we have or who we don't have-- it's about what we've got and treasuring it, being the best at what we are and being treasured.


Thank you for reading my blog and being who you are.

*Philippians 4:16

what i have been doing lately.

Don't think that I've forgotten about you lately!  I've been home living as my alter-ego, Auntie Mel.  As Auntie Mel I find myself getting up before nine, reading stories, trying to placate the baby, partaking in auntie-niece tooth-brushing sessions, supervising the clean-up "game," indulging in the occasional snuggle and getting nibbled by Frankie the Dog.  And drinking.  

It's nice to get in touch with all of the variety that is so easily accessible here in Tacoma.  Between Trader Joe's, Metropolitan Market and the seeming endless number of available draft beers, I have been filled with holiday cheer.  Here's what I've sampled since I got here:

Cook's mimosa, beloved adopted family's house

Big Horn Brewing's Big Red Amber Ale, growler, beloved adopted family's house

Livingston Blush, wine, Grami's house

Boring German white wine, mom stash, Grami's house

Lovely German Pfalz ice wine, mom stash, Grami's house 

Yellowtail Shiraz/Cabernet mix, Grami's house 

Rainier Beer, can, Brother's house

Rogue Dead Guy Ale, forty, brother's house

Dick's Cream Ale, draft, Parkway Tavern

Mac & Jack's Serengheti Wheat, draft, Parkway Tavern

New Belgium Mothership Wit, draft, Parkway Tavern

Trader Joe's Honey Moon viognier wine, brother's house

Charles Shaw ("two buck Chuck") cabernet savignon, brother's house 

more lovely German Pfalz ice wine, mom stash, brother's house

Brown's Point Porter, draft, The Hub

On tap:

Frontier Red wine

Snoqualmie Avalanche winter ale

Pyramid Snowcap Winter Ale

Schloss Biebrich champagne (New Year's)

write in candidate.

Got this little gem from my grandpa this evening. I don't know what's more entertaining: that it's "from" Bill Cosby or all the policy suggestions. Disclaimer: I'd like to think that my grandpa is laughing with me. Because if Bill Cosby is a more appealing candidate to a geriatric veteran than ANOTHER geriatric veteran, McCain is in big trouble. Without further ado....

I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE. HERE IS MY PLATFORM: (1) "Press 1 for English" is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can. (2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. N O imports, no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.' (3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it. (4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens. (5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it. (6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade. (7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life. (8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences. If convicted, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc. (9) One export will be allowed; Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil. (10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off t he national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause. (11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress. (12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc. Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes but a vote for me will get you better than what you have, and better than what you're gonna get. Thanks for listening, and remember to write in my name on the ballot in November. God Bless America !!!!!!!!!!! Bill Cosby!!!!!!!! Please Forward This to Everyone you know no matter which side of the fence they're on.

dear big brother.

You will never figure out what the hell is inside this package.

one man conquers three mountain passes.

GOOD LUCK ON YOUR RIDE THIS WEEKEND, BIG BROTHER!!!

rides of march, part four. guest post!

This is a special guest post by my most beloved Big Brother (who will be in this fair city oh-so-soon! eee!). He writes about what has undoubtedly been the pinnacle of "rides of march" good times. Cheers!


My Little Sister was in town for a Spring break, incidentally coinciding with a Friday full moon. Full moon Fridays are for Booze Croozin, slow, pseudo-organized night rides usually involving adult beverages and barbeque. Little Sister was game and The Wife was willing to stay home with the Chillins.

I have several guest bikes in the stable and Little Sister usually rolls on an Electra New Belgium Cruiser when she stays with us. She has short legs, but the bike fits well if we mash the seat all the way down. The usual crooze route winds about twenty miles through hilly Tacoma, so the reclined single speed was a questionable choice. Thirty minutes before departure, Little Sister decided she'd rather have gears, so I dusted off a ladies Costco Special mtb that I had commuterized several years ago. She posed insightful questions whilst test-riding such as, "Do I stop pedaling to shift, like on my bike?" No! And don't forget that there isn't a coaster brake, use your hands! It's a good thing Big Brother is here to set her straight. I loaded up my Xtracycle with 2.5 litres of dunkel, fixins for s'mores, and a few extra layers of clothes. We were off.

We rallied at the grocery store so everyone could stock up. I needed brats and Little Sister needed tissues and two pounds of gummi dinosaurs. There was a "bum" theme for the evening, which was widely interpreted or ignored. An hour after the scheduled rendezvous, all riders and trailered dogs hit the trail with blinky lights flashing and Dr. Octagon blasting from the boom box. The weather was perfect for croozin; temps in the 40's with completely clear skies. We picked up other riders along the way. The ride to the park was relaxed and uneventful, aside from the occasional failure to yield the right-of-way to an unsuspecting motorist. We rode around the park gate, killed all of our lights, and slowly rolled to the barbeque spot as the moon rose through the trees.

The Narrows at night

Is a beautiful sight

By the full moon at 5 Mile Drive.

Everyone shared what they brought. We drank a few beers and grilled sausages and veggie patties. The boom box played Eazy-E, Beastie Boys, and Metallica while folks tossed an LED frisbee and made s'mores. The dog kept the animals away for we didn't see any deer or raccoons on this trip. The stars were dazzling above the faint glow of homesteads across the Sound.

The fire was dying and we were cold, but the ride home would warm us. Little Sister and I chatted the whole way, while she lazily shifted gears like an old pro.

while i've been home...

... I've been working on getting back in the whole "peace + happiness" groove that I'd been sorta neglecting.

...I had the following conversation with my niece:
Niece One: Auntie, you look like Violet from Charlie [and the Chocolate Factory].
Me: How so?
Niece: You have big cheeks.

...I've finished 25% of my mom's handmade ultra-belated Christmas gift.

...I witnessed Niece Two's first laugh.

All in all, I'd say Spring Break is off to a nice start. Greetings from Tacoma!